The events that took place 5 months ago still haunts me today. The look on his face when I left him, he faint images of him hurting me, and the series of craziness that surfaced soon after are all such scarring images in my head still. I miss him because he was my best friend but I loathe him for all the harm he created. I want to be able to maintain a friendship with him but my resentment towards him is still too strong, I am starting to think it will never go away. He is ready to be my friend but what is the point? It would just complicate things...right?
The only reason I can come up with to explain the slight temptation I have to talk to him again is simply the fact that I miss him as a friend and a person, but not as my boyfriend, and definately not as a roomate. If my intentions and feelings are so clear to me then it should be okay to keep in touch with him as a friend, right? I think part of the reason I feel the way I feel right now is because I feel bad about how badly I treated him at the end, as well as the fact that I watched him suffer and did nothing to help him but at that point we were no longer together and I knew I had to end it.
Whatever reason it may be that I feel the way I do, I just don't know if it is a good idea to keep in contact with him. I hate to admit it but a very very very microscopic part of my brain still misses him, flirts with the idea of going back to him and is tempted to jump back into my old ways...however that will only create temporary happiness and long-term pain.
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