~_~

Oh Mother Nature,

Why won't you let me conserve and restore you as my career? I promise I will be good at it.

Jocelyn

Finding Ways to Spread Awareness

Tutoring English has given me the opportunity to get involved with students from Hong Kong. Not only are they learning from me (at least I think they are), I am learning a lot from them as well.

I am noticing a huge lack of knowledge in the environmental science department. My eldest student, who is in high school, has very little knowledge, if any at all, about the important of conservation and environmental protection. Society here is so focused on development, constant improvement and of course finance.

I have decided to take the opportunity during through my tutoring to educate my students the importance of sustainable development and conservation. It just doesn't seem like there is much in that topic being provided in their schools. I do hope this changes soon.

Birds for Thought

Over 7000 Elegant Terns at Bolsa Chica Wetland.
Those phenomenal California Brown Pelicans soaring through the air so unexpectedly.
The family of three of the Western Snowy Plovers...the baby one is way too cute!
The way the California Least Terns all work together to fight off intruders that enter their nesting area, and the way the males offer fish to the females (direct benefit, female choice).
The smell of the Pacific Ocean and it's very cold breeze in the early morning.
Those giant Great Blue Heron nests in the tree, and when they are standing in them...what an amazing site, such a big nest with such a big bird inside.

Southern California is such a beautiful place. Bolsa Chica Wetland is one of the most biologically thriving wetlands I have ever seen. The site of over 7000 Elegant Terns in the distance is something you would see in a movie and rarely in real life.

It's All About the Trees

As my what-seems-to-be never-ending job search continues, I see that becoming a certified arborist is the way to go. There were at least two posts in the newspaper I just read and their salary is quite delightful.

Adding another family of species I need to get under my belt.

Just Have to Keep Going

As I learn more about flora fauna of Hong Kong, I am also realizing how much I don't know. Speciation and evolution has made identification of organisms into a task that requires much attention and dedication.

Last Saturday, I had the privilege to make a tour around the wetland park with a very experienced volunteer. His ability to identify species' common, and scientific names (both in Chinese and English) is fascinating. I stride to be at that level at some point in my career.

I do enjoy volunteering on the weekends. It's important that I am in touch with society here considering that I am still job searching. It's a great opportunity for me to learn and become familiar with all these new species without having to pay for classes. It also keeps me in check...always reminding me that there is so much out there that I still don't know.

I think I chose a rather difficult field as my career choice. The job is quite vulnerable geographically, all the plant species and most of the avian species I have learned in California is not much of use here since they do not exist here.

Patterns at its Best

Music.

I love music, there's just something about the combination of sounds and tones that is so pleasurable to our minds. We are attracted to patterns and order.

I can't get enough of it

Pygmy Seahorse, Will You Marry Me?

Monogamous throughout their entire lives. Cute and tiny little creatures. Male pymgy seahorse would make a great husband no only because they are monogamous, they even carry the eggs and the baby.

It Doesn't End There

When I graduated from college I was so relieved that it was over, I thought it meant: no more studying, not much stress, and all I needed to do was just find a job and work. One year post graduation, I see that this is not true. I finally understand that school was just a way to teach you how to excel yourself and be productive. I realize there is a lot more I need to to learn in order to pursue my career. Lately, I find myself hungry for knowledge. This week I started a Putonghua and jewelry making class, and damn it feels good to be in a class room again. It is truly amazing how much you can learn in just one to two hours. Reading is such a great way to educate yourself. The library is free, there are books on every topic imaginable, and you can read at your own pace. The newspaper is such a great resource that we have, nowadays there's just so much happening all over the world, we must keep up! I am just glad that the newspaper here is not so shallow and bias like the OC register...seriously, what the hell kind of news is in that newspaper?! Nothing that is useful to anyone that wants to be educated.

Recently, I saw for myself that we must continue educating ourselves from as long as we live. Change is always happening and in order to be successful we must keep it. So similar to evolution in a way.

A Spoon for its Mouth

Any wetland lover should know about the Ramsar Convention, visit www.ramsar.org.

Thanks to the amazing Black-faced spoonbill, the Mai Po nature Reserve falls under the Ramsar Convention. I am so pleased to know that such great conservation measures are being taken in such a dense and busy city. Because more than 10% of the total population of the black-faced spoonbill utilize the Mai Po reserve, it qualifies until Ramsar criteria to be protected! Keep in mind that the total population of the bird is only about 2300, so close to being extinct! The good news is that in recent years their population size seems to be increasing. Conservation measures still need to be careful because they are extremely dependent on coastal habitats in the Deep Inner Bay (Hong Kong and Shenzhen) and west Taiwan. If these wetlands were to be destroyed, it would cause great impact to their population size.

Be aware, get involved! Some things only nature can provide for us. I hope for sustainable development so future generations can see the rare birds I can see in my time.

From Disappointment to Inspiration

After a failed attempt at being hired at my dream job, I am slowly transitioning the feeling of great disappointment into my inspiration. I took the advice of a professional (the person who didn't hire me) on how to become successful and reunited with my volunteering roots at a local wetland park. Unfortunately (and I guess fortunately as well), one of the speaker at an event I was volunteering at was the director of the company which did not hire me. Reminding me once again how big of a loss it was to not get hired and also trying to transition that into something that will inspire me only to become more qualified to be a wetland restoration/conservationist. I promise this will be the last time I mope about not getting the assistant ecologist job, but honestly, I really would not be upset about it if that company was not the ONLY company in Hong Kong that does the types of work that I am truly passionate about!

Disappointment...evolving to...INSPIRATION

Too Much Order, Too Many People

How much order can there be in an universe before it becomes to be too much? A sudden reverse back to complete disorder? We are reaching a point to where there is so much order that even before we are born we already have a general idea of what we will be doing at certain age of our lives, for example attending school for the first 18 years and so forth. My past 23 years of experience and meeting different people, I have learned that when something becomes a routine after awhile we tend to develop mental battles with that routine. Too much enthalpy (order)!! Lets live spontaneously!

Whatever happened to when reproduction was the only purpose in life in the times when the first Homo sapiens romed the earth, now we are required to have school, jobs, and kids?! I would much rather have sex all day and hang out in a forest than having to work a 9-5 job sitting inside somewhere (this example being exaggerated of course). The problem is that we, as a specie have become too efficient at reproduction leading to over population bringing us even closer to the Earth's carrying capacity.

Diarrhea, bla bla blog

Diarrhea in my brain right now. So many thoughts and ideas with nowhere to go...oh no!

This year has been the most eye opening year thus far, having been back to all of the different places and I love and have once spend long periods of time inhabiting. Finally beginning to feel confident in what I want in life and finding the path to get it.

When you put yourself outside of your comfort zone when you learn the most about yourself. Experience different things and make a point to get yourself to go to new places, meet new people and try new things.

Recently, the Earth's plate tectonics have been really active...something is going on, is there going to be another "Syberia Trap"? Is that what is going to make the human population bottleneck, drastically changing the distribution of our population?!! What if the drilling of oil over so many years affects the composition and activity of Earth's plate tectonics and made it more active, thus making humans responsible for these major seismic activities lately. My mind is going wild.

I want to work on the wetland awareness thing as much as I can before I go, so...let's go to the wetlands together

Friends = family...so, I love you guys!

What is going on with the weather anyways? Am I inside all day or is it just not that hot? There are many strange weather patterns throughout the world this year so far. Are we EVER going to do anything about the whole greenhouse gas problem? We all know is happening, we know how to improve it but yet nothing is happening (at least I think so).

I am inspired to make a difference but results will only show if we work together. Group selection is favored over individual selection.

End note: There is an abandoned couch in the Bolsa Chica Wetlands. Did that get carried down by the watershed or did someone dump it there?

Oh, and please don't let your dogs run around off the trail when you go on hikes, they can destroy endangered species of plants and animals.

Upwelling on the Pacific Coast of Southern California

The bike ride down to the beach today was refreshing. Not too windy, perfect amount of sun, and of course the not-so-humid air. After being in Hong Kong for so long I think any other percent of humidity would be lower than it was there, sweating walls and all. Anyways, I saw a number of dolphin playing in the surf today, what a wonderful site. Somehow seeing led me to think about the upwelling of ocean in this area and how the water is just so freezing cold. This is an area where all the nutrients from the decayed materials on the bottom of the ocean get cycled back into the system as food. ... ... I guess that was all I wanted to say about that.

Pacific ocean of the coast of southern California is where upwelling occurs, this is why the water here is so cold (the same temperature as the Atlantic ocean on the northern east coast).

Their Image, Their Bodies :p

There's just something about those athletes. It must be the biology of me kicking in. Physically fit is a required feature of the hunter and gatherer lifestyle. Plus nowadays I feel like most people are suckers for fame. Professional athlete -> wow!
Thanks to a particular football (soccer) player I finally realized how physical attraction can be so blinding to all the other important traits of a mate, it's also the opening (or closing) door to whether you want to get to know the person or not.
This is the first time I have ever felt so lustful. Simply irresistible.

Maybe I shouldn't post his picture on here, but if you did, you would see what I mean.

Parents

They are the most important people to me. I want to take care of them because they provided me with such a wonderful life. I am so thankful for them. Rising children is a diffcult task, so we must all thank our parents everyday not necessarily with words, but with action. Everyday is father's and mother's day.

*sigh*

This time in Hong Kong I am really noticing how long I have been away in the States. Relatives like my aunts and uncles have aged greatly from what I have remembered from when I was a child. My parents and I found out today that my aunt is in the hospital (oldest from my mom's side). She was suffering from Parkinsons and now she fell and broke her wrist and fractured her hip. It made me really sad to see her because she looks exhausted, and I just cannot even begin to imagine what type of pain she is in. She fell at her nursing home and the nurses didn't even know she broke her wrist, and then it wasn't even until weeks later that they found out she broke her hip. She wasn't able to express the pain she was in because of her Parkinsons. Poor thing. She has surgery tomorrow on her hip to replace her socket joint, it's such a big surgery and at her age your metabolism is so much slower, I am worried, very worried. Honestly, the part that I am the most upset about (besides the horrible nurses at the nursing home and the environment of the nursing home) is that she is going through so much pain. It is just not fair for someone to have to go through so much physical pain.

I know that aging is a part of life and all but it is still a hard reality for me to accept, especially remembering someone from being in great shape to the way my aunt is right now.

Aging is a tradeoff for youth, but it would be nice if we could age in a pain-free manner. As much as I know and understand deterious alleles, tradeoffs to advantageous genes and all, but this process of experiencing seeing relatives age is difficult. Plus today's rainy weather did not help my mood.

Life is fragile and we must be more than greetful for the health that we have.

I will be thinking about my aunt all day tomorrow.

Australopithecus sediba

Human evolution. How much more evidence do some people need? Australopithecus sediba and of course Lucy. The more important question is how did all these ancestrial species of human become extincted? I hope to be alive on the day we have enough technology to figure out that question.

My head is clear, at least during the day it is

I don't miss you.
I don't want to be with you.
I am not jealous of the fact that someone else will end up with you, in fact I feel sorry for whoever that will be.
I know you are not what I want, not even close to it.
Why do I keep having nightmares about you?
I hate you.
Life has been so much better without you, not guilt for anything I want to do.
No guilt for seeing my family, spending time on my school work, and focusing on my career.
You poisoned my life.
You are out of my life, now get out of my dreams.
How much longer is this going to take? I am getting very impatient.

Selfish Children, Not as Bad as it Seems

As my nephew transitions from a baby to a toddler, I start to wonder...are mean children that flight with others an example of evolution at its best?

In order to find ways to cope with my nephew's outrageous behavior I studied a few episodes of SuperNanny. Many of the cases dealt with children fighting, bullying and takng advantage of their siblings and/or parents and this made me of individual selection in biology. Dr. Carter, CSULB had mentioned that kids throw tantrums to get their way, usually making their parents sacrifice for them (whether it be picking them up or buying them a toy) this is a form of individual selection (lacking altruism in the childrens' action). These kids that are flighting with and screaming at their siblings are just more evolutionarily more fit than others. In nature survival of the fittest explains everything and if there is not enough food between siblings, the one who fights for it and wins are the ones that survive. Today's society's idea that kids should share with and care for others (especially their siblings) conflicts with evolutionary history.

Aiya...

Seven months and still counting. Every now and then my mind still thinks about him. I still know it was the right decision but more time is still needed to heal this wound. When I dream I am constantly being reminded of why I left, "why would you make me feel this way if you know I love you", I will say in these dreams over and over again. How much time does your heart need to heal?
Memories are all that we are left with from the past, if we forget them does that mean it never existed/happened?

Types of Desal

Growing up in Hong Kong and Minnesota, where rain water is plentiful blinded me from the reality of fresh water scarcity. It was not until I lived in Southern California where I learned not to take fresh water availability for granted.

Only 2.5% of Earth's water being fresh water and 2/3 of that being frozen and the remaining is liquid surface water (Nat Geo April, 2010), the remaining 97.5% obviously is the ocean. As human population continues to increase exponentially, the supply of freshwater is increasing and we are depleting our groundwater supply at a much higher rate than they are being recharged. Soon enough we will experience that there is just not enough freshwater to sustain the Earth's population.

Desalination will be the answer to solve this problem, and there are three kinds:

1. Forward Osmosis. Water molecules (from salt water) will diffuse through a membrane into a even more concentrated "draw solution". The "draw solution" will contain special salts that will evaporate by a low-grade heat after the water molecules have diffused through the membrane. This method requires no energy input.

2. Carbon Nanotubes. Electrically charged nanotubes will be attached to the membrane and salt ions will be repelled by the charge and the uncharged water molecules will slide through the membrane.

3. Biomimetic. The membrane will be covered wth proteins that conduct water in and out of living cells. The positive charge in the channels will repel salt ions thus only allowing water molecule to pass through. This method is similiar to the way potassium channels function in our cells.

(Nat Geo April, 2010)

What do you think is the best method?

I'd like to say that forward osmosis would be the best because it does not require energy input, however I will need more information on the "draw solution" (what is it made of, are there any side effects) in order to make an informed decision. Plus, whatever happened to reverse osmosis? It was not mentioned in the issue.

Desal is such an expensive technology, currently only wealthy countries can afford this process...cost also poses as a problem to the availability of the technology in the future.

Passion and Distraction

As I become more and more involved with my (lack of a better word) contribution to my interest in conservation biology (and everything else that I am passionate about) it is becoming a place of comfort and an escape from the issues I have with my own personal life. It makes me feel better at the end of the day when I do something selfless and act like a helpful member to society. It steers my mind away from unsolvable conflicts I am battling with in my head.

This feel is both positive and negative.
Positive because I have truly found something I am interested in that makes my life fulfilling.
Negative because I am finding ways to distract myself and steer myself away from finding out what I want for myself, as well as ignoring issues that I should be dealing.

Satisfy the Evolution Hunger

*what a funny cartoon!*

I am a huge huge fan of evolution (sexual selection, levels of selection...) and this link makes me really happy.
Thanks Nelly!!! You truly are the best!!

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/tag/evolution/

The Fairy Tale Perception

As I spend more time with my 2.5 year old nephew I am being re-exposed to a few of my childhoods form of entertainment, Disney movies. Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Little Mermaid, and Snow White are all movies about romance that we are all so familiar with. What a horrible perception of love these movies create! Nowadays we all have to learn the hard way what a functioning and healthy relationship should be, through heart breaks and crappy relationships.

The Beast, Arielle, and Cinderella all have a limited amount of time to get the other person to fall in love with them. In Arielle's chase she only has three days!! Mission impossible in real life, and those that do fall in love in such a short time probably won't love happily ever after because they have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

In so many of these movies the girls are so dependent on these princes to save them and to satisfy their everlasting desire for true love. Once again, not a good message for young girls because our current society requires a lot of independence so women can seek for their desired careers.

Lets not forget about the fact that love is really just a strong friendship between two people that are strongly attracted to each other (at least that's what I think), and of course their ability to co-exist with each other.

My nephew swears by anything that these characters do and say, and that just reminds me of how these imagines and ideas were engraved into my head when I was young but no necessarily correct.

Brainwash!

Get Rid of The Dumb People

Our environment is at a tipping point right now, overpopulation is a huge problem and we must significantly reduce our population and reproduction rates in order to live sustainably. Of course the whole conservation, and awareness part need to go in as well.

With the way society is structured nowadays, survival has become much more easier than it was ever been...government giving money for unemployed individuals, welfare, etc. These types of programs are disincentives for some people to better themselves.

Throughout human evolutionary past, we have always been bettering ourselves, and those that have a higher fitness are the ones that are able to survive and reproduce. Because of these disincentives that were mentioned earlier, this idea that only those with higher fitness is able to reproduce is being disrupted.

Humans have evolved so successfully (being the most intelligent organism on Earth) is the fact that levels of selection in the past has been at the group level. Due to the lack of altruism in individuals, selection at the individual level becomes a disadvantage to the group as a whole.

So where am I getting at with all this randomness?
Nowadays people are becoming more and more selfish and society has made it too easy for "unfit" individuals to survive and reproduce. These two factors make selection at the group level impossible thus making it more difficult for our specie to progress.

Here's what I think (this is gonna get ugly):
Evolution needs to take place quickly and make the unintelligent people not able to reproduce thus only allowing individuals that are intelligent and educated be able to reproduce and raise children for the future. Since that is impossible because we would completely run out of resources before that will ever happen, we should have a would-wide law that only allows people with a certain level of IQ and education to reproduce and pass on their knowledge. Controversial right? but this is group level selection here and group level selection (choosing what is best for the group as a whole) will increase our specie's fitness. It would prevent the human specie from "de-volving", like what happened in the movie Idiocracy (Mike Judge).

We are all just a small part of something really big, let's think for everyone as a whole and not just ourselves.

New Zealand Thus Far

I am feeling lazy right now, have been for several days now so I am going to bullet point things I want to talk about.

Here are things I have noticed here in Auckland, New Zealand with their more advanced conservation...skills? I guess.

1. Preserved wetlands cross the harbour bridge :)
2. Auckland Zoo focuses their shows and their billboards about conservation, loss of habitat, and endangered species
3. Water is scarce here so every toilet there are two buttons, one for flushing with less water (peepee) one to flush with more water (poopoo)
4. New Zealand native animals, such as kiwi birds as well as other birds and lizards are consistently being hatched and released into wilderness, onto the secluded islands near the main island thus making their population sustainable.

Stoked about Volunteering at the Hong Kong Wetland Park

*image is an aerial view of the Hong Kong Wetland Park*

I can't wait to start volunteering at the Hong Kong Wetland Park so I can learn some new conservation skills as well as getting to know new habitats and new organisms. I finally received my volunteer number but I still have to wait for training to start. Part of the reason that I am extra excited about this is because volunteering back in Southern California did not require official class and training, the stuff we did could pretty much be done by anyone that was willing to, I am really hoping this is going to be a knowledgeful experience. I hope to bring these new useful skills back to Southern California wetlands. Right now I just feel so out of touch with my beloved wetlands, I haven't been in a month, I can't wait to contribute to mother nature once again!

Organic Items not as Popular Here (Hong Kong)

*image above, organic farm here in Hong Kong*

Maybe the title of this post is just my opinion. So far my visit here has showed me that organic fruits and vegetables are expensive. I bought two organic oranges the other day (they were really small too) for almost $2 USD, whoah mama, that is pricey.

Watching the news yesterday there was a portion about organic veggies. The coverage was done in the United States saying that organic vs. non-organics have the same amount of nutrients and that the only difference is that the price of organics are twice as much as non-organics. I was a bit irritated by this article because it lacked to mention the fact that organic foods are not harvested with pesticides which is one of the main reasons that people prefer them.

Pesticides are not only bad for people if ingested but they are also harmful to the environment. Pesticides that runoff into water sources can be contaminate it and it can also contaminate the soil.

All in all buy organic foods not for additional nutrition value but to prevent inorganic materials that are in pesticides from entering our environment.

Another note: recently a company in Davis, California has created an organic pesticide to increase the crop yield on organic farms.

This City

This City is growing soooooo fast, I can't keep up!

*note to self*

Later blog topics:
How evolution (levels of of selection) can explain why it's better to be nice to strangers than to be mean.

How to preserve Chinese New Years traditions (inscents, red envelop) and conserve resources at the same time.

No Mo' Plastic Baaags (Minnesotan accent)

*Image above: In order to promote irresponsible use of plastic bags, the Hong Kong Environmental Protection Department designed this plastic bag*

The supermarket in Hong Kong, Park N' Shop, has discontinued giving out plastic bags to shoppers. Shoppers are encouraged to bring their own reusable bags. If shoppers forget to bring their own bags, they must purchase a reusable bag at a low cost of $0.50 HKG, which equals to $0.06 USD.

This is a great way to get people to get used to bringing their own bags as well as banning plastics. There's a penalty price of $0.50 HKG for not bringing your own bag but the penalty is affordable. Shoppers will slowly begin to acknowledge the importance of bringing their own bags because they are not going to want to pay extra every time they go grocery shopping and they are going to have a large build up at home of the reuseables they have purchased in the past.

In fact, lots of shops (clothing, food...) are giving out reusable bags instead of plastics and lots of places are charging for plastics bags. Those that are doing neither are at least asking their customers whether they brought their own bag or not. The first step of banning plastic is there, we just need to progress and we as shoppers need to remember one more thing before leaving the house, bring your reusable bag!

Illegal Trash Dumping in Beijing

There's a Chinese photographer that has captured pictures from various places around Beijing where illegal dumping of trash has occured in order to spread awareness. In order to save money, these dump trucks have resulted in dumping at places near living quarters and schools. The cost to drop off one truck load of trash at a legal dump site costs are $200+ RBM, whereas $30-40 RBM at these illegal sites.

These illegal dump sites are creating environmental and health hazards. The water from the trash is leaking and contaminating the groundwater system. The groundwater is then being used to water crops on nearby farms and these crops are being sold to the people of Beijing. Children are living in close quarters to these illegal dump sites and are living amongst piles and piles of trash. Without education, these children will begin to think that it is normal and acceptable to live in such an unsanitary environment. This photographer has mapped out hundreds of places where this is occuring. Without government regulation and enforcement this is going to continue. Groundwater contamination can cause many problems, and costs lots of money to fix. The Chinese government must take action before it's too late.

I heard about all of this when I was watching the news yesterday. I wish I remembererd the name of the magnificent photographer, his photos were shocking, beautiful and conveys such an important message. I say beautiful in the sense that he has captured such amazing imagines but I don't want to use the word beautiful because of the horrible thing that is happening. I feel thankful that someone has taken action to try to make a difference, thank you!

The Chinese government has a lot of work to do in the environmental field. Let's not wait until it's too late.

Places I want to live at

*Photo above is taken in New Zealand*

Norway, New Zealand, Sweden are all places I want to live in. Their human population is small, and their natural resources are plentiful.

I have never been to Norway or Sweden but I have seen pictures and heard about how wonderful it is there. Life just seems more simple. I have been to New Zealand, I was only 9 years old and the experience was UNFORGETABLE. It is the most beautiful place I had ever been to. The waterfalls, the caves, the landscape, the people...everything was so amazing. The preservation of nature there is amazing.

Someday I will live there.

Leave the Abalones Alone

As a tradition of Chinese New Years, the day before new years day families gather together to have dinner and one of the main items on the menu is abalone. Abalones are a delicacy amongst seafood lovers, especially in Asia, however due to their high demand they recently been listed on the endangered species list. As of February 19, 2009 the black abalone (Haliotis cracherodii) has been officially listed as an endangered species under the U.S. Endangered Species Act. All fishing of abalones in California is now regulated. Most of the abalones fished are usually exported to Asia. White abalone dinner is priced at about $450 in Hong Kong.

The biological lifestyle of abalones make it difffcult for them to survive. Abalones do not move once they have found a home. If there is not an abalone of the opposit sex within a yard away, they do not stand a chance to reproduce. As fishing of abalones continue, a lot of survivors don't have the opportunity to reproduce.

There are currently "fake" abalones that can be purchased and taste the same as real abalones, they are less expensive and less detrimental to the environment. One of these substitute is a kind of fungus and the other is made of flour. Let's promote the use of these substitutes so we can prevent further damage to the abalone population.

Reasons why Green is the best colour ever!

1. It's the colour of marijuana
2. Plants!
3. Photosynethesis (falls in with plants)
4. the middle of the visible light spectrum, thus making it the most balanced colour of all.
5. GREENS!

Can't think of anymore reasons right now.

(I spelled color, colour because I am in HKG, must fit in with everyone)

Still Haunts Me

The events that took place 5 months ago still haunts me today. The look on his face when I left him, he faint images of him hurting me, and the series of craziness that surfaced soon after are all such scarring images in my head still. I miss him because he was my best friend but I loathe him for all the harm he created. I want to be able to maintain a friendship with him but my resentment towards him is still too strong, I am starting to think it will never go away. He is ready to be my friend but what is the point? It would just complicate things...right?

The only reason I can come up with to explain the slight temptation I have to talk to him again is simply the fact that I miss him as a friend and a person, but not as my boyfriend, and definately not as a roomate. If my intentions and feelings are so clear to me then it should be okay to keep in touch with him as a friend, right? I think part of the reason I feel the way I feel right now is because I feel bad about how badly I treated him at the end, as well as the fact that I watched him suffer and did nothing to help him but at that point we were no longer together and I knew I had to end it.

Whatever reason it may be that I feel the way I do, I just don't know if it is a good idea to keep in contact with him. I hate to admit it but a very very very microscopic part of my brain still misses him, flirts with the idea of going back to him and is tempted to jump back into my old ways...however that will only create temporary happiness and long-term pain.

Food for Thought

Over-analyzing things can make a person go crazy...it's not good for you.

The combination of cultural differences and generation gap is overwhelming.

Assumptions and expectations (of the other person) are the two things one must avoid in all relationships. It is those expectations that create let-downs and thus creating problems and conflicts.

Sundays in Hong Kong

*image above is the exact mall that I was at today*

Everything here is so fast pace, if you're not fast enough other people will budge in front and take your spot in line and this act is the norm.

We went out for dim sum today and when we paid, the server already had the exact change ready for us. They predict that you will pay with the next bill up from the total amount, for example the total was $298 HKD he had change ready for a $500 bill which was exactly what we used to pay with. We didn't have to wait a second for the change, he had it prepared already. The efficiency of the restaurants and stores here is amazing. Efficiency level must be high in order to fulfill the needs of soooo many people. I love this city but there are too many people here.

At several places we went to today, I would walk in the store and get directly to wait in line while my sister went to get what she needed just so we would save time. There is a line for everything!! Don't even get me started about the line to the women's restroom...out the door!

It was exhausting to be out today (Sunday).

FOOD!

Oyster, chocolate fondue, sushi, curry, ice cream, mochi!
Mango wrapped in mochi...that was delicious!

HKG, People are Everywhere

After being gone for 2 years, it is strange how everything still feels so familiar here. There are several new buildings and such but for the most part everything is pretty much the same. We past two of my old houses and they were exactly the same but just older.

This city is heavily populated. There's constant dodging of people when walking on the street. Concrete dominates the ground, signs (advertisement, street signs) dominate the sky, people dominate the sidewalks and public transportation and luxury cars dominate the roads. There is simply no space. Houses (condos here) are so extremely over priced. The cost of one square foot in an average complex (with current housing price)is about $10,000 HKD which converts to about $1269 USD per square foot. A 1,200 square foot complex is priced at about $1,522,800 USD. Phew!! Talk about high demand (correlated with overpopulation of course).

The city is covered with concrete but green mountains take over the landscape background. Hong Kong receives a good amount of water from rain and the humidity so plant life grows easily here (unlike Southern Californis). Any area that is not paved (mediuns of the streets and certain parts of the side walks) is thriving with plant life. If the city didn't exist, this place would be a giant green mass covered by photosynethetic life forms as primary producers.

The Love of My Life

1. My wonderful friends!!
2. HB
3. Health

I feel so loved, I feel so good, thank you everyone for everything

Sand Dune Parking Lot

The parking lot of Bolsa Chica Beach used to be big sand dunes. With the replacement of concrete the sand dunes habitat is missing and birds that use these sand dunes are sitting in the middle of these parking lots as if they were sand dune. Small areas of the parking lot where the concrete stops I noticed sand dune vegetation. If we just increase the area of the unpaved areas the vegetation will be able to spread and get more area for the birds to use.

The life of these coastal habitats are thriving with life, we just need to respect their space.

The Power of Nature

After last night's experience of seeing the moon light up the ocean and this morning's hike to the waterfall after the rain, my body and my mind feel significantly better.

When there are so many creek crossings with so many different ways to do it, I begin to feel the power of nature because we have to find a way to get across and the creek does not care if you fall or don't make it. We can no longer rely on a road that is easy to use and man-made. Strangers are helping each other get across and people are friendly to each other and greet each other as they pass. When we humans are at a state of vulnerability, we count on each other for help thus we are also more likely to provide help for one another. (I really wish I had better writing skills to express myself) With the way society is structured we are forgetting our vulnerability to the power of nature. In the end Mother Nature has the final say. Recall the earthquake that happened in Haiti on January 12, 2010 with a magnitude of 7.0 (unit), an earthquake like that is almost nothing when compared to the way the continents shift and the formation of the mountains but to us the earthquake caused a significant amount of damage to humans.

Our technology has created a great deal of comfort and convenience to our everyday lives, our dependency on this technology has made us forget the force of nature. In geologic history there has been multiple numbers of great catastrophes, if a catastrophe was to happen right now and we lose the ability to access these technologies then we will once again realize that we humans are completely vulnerable to the environment and the force of nature.

It is always refreshing to get in touch with nature every once in a while. The waterfall at Eaton Cayon in Pasadena, CA was breath taking, especially in such an arid climate. Thank you to rain, thank you to water!

Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle

"Position and momentum cannot both be known to arbitrary precision"-wikipedia. The more precise we know of one the more uncertainty it creates for the other element.

I feel like the more I get to know about myself and what I want to get out of life, the more I don't know what I want because I am exploring and finding so many interests that I have, it is getting to the point where I can't do all of them so I have to pick and choose what I want...ahh more decision making ahead....

The more we learn and know about a topic, the questions we are going to have about it.

Rain RAin RAIN,,,

I am constantly in this strange mood, maybe it's the weather that is making me feel this way. I think too much for my own good. I find myself constantly trying to figure things out...why, how, what...I want to know everything, I am addicted to learning. I still feel like I am just starting to get to know myself again after so long. These past 4 months have gone by so fast and this just feels like the beginning.

It is also strange to me to be surrounded by relationships, just not that long ago I was in that position and for a long time too. It gives me such a different perspective of a relationship and how to go about finding a way to make them work. Surprisingly I don't feel jealous nor do I feel the longing of a boyfriend or my ex, I am perfectly happy about being single...in fact I think I love it.

I find it more compatible to hang out with friends that are single too, especially single girl friends. There is so much common ground there and your choice of things to do (like going out) can be so much more adventurous. This is where my shout out to my favorite girl, Nelly, appears! Without her I would not only go insane but I would not be able to experience single life. Beautiful person inside and out. It makes me really happy when I find people like this in my life, it kind of makes me feel more alive.

Wow, I really am spending a lot of time and energy on myself because my blog is no longer about my work and learning, it has become my diary.

On the other hand:

Why are there tornadoes in Southern California? This is not the California I have ever experienced before.
I want to bike to the beach and this weather is really stopping me from doing that. The other night we got hailed on while riding our bikes. This has also put a stopper on volunteering too...haven't even started.

I have started some research on Peace Corps, let's see how serious that gets. I don't think graduate school is for me right now. The Peace Corps experience seems so much more of a life changing experience than grad school, and that is what I am looking for, plus I don't have the money to attend graduate school and studying for the GRE sounds...not fun at all. Experiences can teach you millions times more than a text book can. I really want to experience a different country, a different world. Put me outside my comfort zone and let's see what happens, I want to challenge myself.

Focus Shift

My blog is no longer about my studies. It has become my place to rant. Oh well.

Leash

Four years is a long time and people change. Thinking back to four years ago when I was 18 turning 19 and the silly decisions I made has made me almost embarrassed of myself. I feel much wiser now then I did back then.

I recently revisited an old friend from my freshmen year at college, we were not friends for very long before we stopped talking but for some reason he always felt special to me. He has made so much progress in these past four years that we were not communicating it makes me wonder if I will be able to do the same for myself.

He looks different, dresses different. Much more confident in himself and has grown a lot. But he is still the same just an older version...I guess more mature.

My inability to handle rejection back then made me desperate which then eventually led to settling with someone, which in this case would be my ex. Thinking about on it he had no traits of anything that I was looking for in a boyfriend but instead I was completely blinded by the feeling of being wanted along with my infatuation with him. He provided me with security and comfort in the sense that I wouldn't have to feel lonely anymore but other than that there was nothing else he could offer for me. Finally being able to view my past relationship from an outsider's perspective the relationship was a big lesson for me, a stepping stone. The love was there but it was young love...in the world we live in today there are many other factors needed for a healthy and functioning relationship and not just infatuation and sexual attraction.

I still can't believe all the BS me and my ex put each other through because we were so overprotected of each other (especially him). I couldn't have guys friends and he couldn't have friends that are girls...that sounds so childish to me now. Now I find guys who do whatever they want much more attractive than those, like my ex, who do "what I tell him to do". The same way they do whatever they want to do is the same way I want to do whatever I want to do, the common interest there strikes me as an important trait for both people to have. With both people with this same mind set, they both will be able to do whatever they want to do and have their freedom. A relationship shouldn't be able what you want the other person to do or restricting yourself from doing things you want to do, it's about because able to live your life to way you want to but being able to coexist with the other person at the same time.

I see so many young couples that made that mistake. "my girlfriend doesn't like me going to the bars with my friends, she says it's not good for the relationship" My ex used to say stuff like this to me, "it we want this to work, our relationship should always come first, so anything that doesn't help our relationship we shouldn't do and that includes XYZ". I feel like when I was in that position where I was making that mistake, people would warm me about it but just like in human nature, we always think we are the exception to the rule. Not matter what I tell these young couples, they are not going to listen because they think they are the exception which is why they are just going to have to learn for themselves just as I had to as well as all the other people that warned me about it too.

If you hold sand in our hand and squeeze the sand will fall out but if you hold it loose it will stay.

PHC bike ride

I took my first bike ride down PHC today...wow!! It was beautiful. It was what I expected and more. The ocean on one side and the wetlands on the other.

Ballona Wetland

Located just north of LAX, I didn't think it would exist. It is the last remaining wetland in LA county. As one can only imagine the amount of runoff and trash that end up there from the LA watershed. I am anxious to visit the Ballona Wetland to how healthy the ecosystem there is. I would assume it is comparable to Colorado Lagoon, and much worst quality than Bolsa Chica and Huntington Beach wetlands. So far, I am the most impressed with Newport beach wetland and Bolsa Chica Wetland.

Things to do in HK

Make pillow cases
Paint
Learn to cook more foods
Learn Chinese
organize pictures
...

Bolsa Chica always amazing

Even after the rain Bolsa Chica was not covered in trash! The ride was low when we were there and the sandpipers were working hard to find food.
Sandpipers
great egret
snowy egret
CA gull
Migratory birds (don't know the name)
I had never been during sunset, usually I go in the morning. I find it even better to go during sunset because there are not as many people plus the birds interact with each other differently since it is the end of the day. We saw a gull drop a mussel several times to break it open and then another gull tried to steal it numerous times. It is entertaining to watch because in nature stealing is acceptable but in human society that gull would have been in trouble with the law. I want to live with the birds :)

Volunteering tomorrow morning, I think it's going to be a good one!

We're getting closer

This ever ending list of things to do is getting smaller and smaller.

Wow, this is bad...I don't have anything to write about. This past week my life has been consumed by the move and getting settled down is taking much more time and work than I ever thought. The fact that I haven't moved in three years doesn't help either. I must go to sleep now, the sooner I get all this stuff done, the sooner I can take care of myself again.

I find guys that are too readily available unattractive, maybe it's just because it's a harder chase or maybe it's the fact that I don't see how someone can like a person so quickly when they barely know them. It's like you hang out with them once or twice and they feel like you should be hanging out all the time. No thanks, you don't even know me and I don't even know you so take it easy. My favorite (sarcastically) are those that will literally take whatever they can get and all they want is a girlfriend. Those are the most clingy and hardest to get rid of, if I reply to your calls or texts then I don't want to talk to you, sorry. Could it be that because I am so extremely emotionally unavailable that I seek for guys that are also emotionally unavailable since then both parties are not "looking for anything" thus keeping the physical attraction and leaving out the commitment. I am way too young to be seriously involved, not right now I need time to figure me out.
A boy/girlfriend = a best friend

"I want to buy it for myself, because if he buys it for me then it reminds me of him every time I look at it."

"Are these the only two choices for women now sexy kitten or a witch?!"

22 days

22 more days until I can just stop and breathe again.

Goodbye Long Beach

The first night all of us together at the new place. All the moving finally just got done (4:18am). With everyone's help the move went fairly quick.

I don't like guys that uses money to try to impress me, final decision was made today, zero tolerance. Goodbye TH.
Every time I give them a chance, they let me down...oh well.

Hello new chapter of life! It is a pleasure to finally meet you.

Finally Happened!

We finally moved into our new place! Now I am just excited to unpack and move on with my life. Huntington Beach wetlands here I come!!!!

I couldn't believe how small my old place looked with all the furniture gone. It really brought me back to the beginning when we first moved in. Surprisingly I didn't get upset moving the stuff out, but it happened so fast and there were so many people there helping me. He made me a really nice painting of a rose, I wanted to keep it because it was pretty but I had to get rid of it because of what it stood for. Thinking back on it, I can't blame him for hating me so much because he tried really hard to get me back and I did not give him any chance at all. How do you forgive someone that hit you, bruise you, and emotionally abuse you? I couldn't do it. I miss the good times but the bad times overpowered the good times. It is amazing to me how a relationship with one person can contain soooooo sooo sooo much love and sooooo soooo soooooo much hate at the same time. The emotions attached to the relationship has become explosive and extreme...therefore no longer healthy. Resentment will always be there no matter what. From this day on he still doesn't get it, he thinks he's got it figured out but he still doesn't get me...after 3.5 years of me telling you what I want, and you still can't figure it out, that is a waste of my time. All I wanted was freedom because in the end I do what I want anyways, who do you think you are trying to manipulate and guilt trip me.

I am Tired

I am tired, where is my new home?!?!?! I can only keep hoping. Tomorrow will be our lucky day ^_^
Peace and love
Everything will be okay.

I Found It!

Pretty sure I found my brain now because I am starting to feel a bit more centered. With the help of all my wonderful friends and my mom (the most amazing person in the world) sanity is seeping back into my head. Conversation with my Mom always makes me feel better, she means the world to me and I hope that someday I can provide my kids with everything she's provided for me. I am so thankful for her and I love her so much. She is right, there are going to be times when I feel upset and miss him but that is only natural since we were together for so long, but eventually these things will fade away. Writing a hate letter also helped too. Then when I finally saw my friend, Heather and her husband and their wonderful life they have together, I realized that this is what I want for myself in the future. Knowing that he is unable to provide me with what I want, I quickly gained back logic and centered myself once again. I will find someone that can be everything I want them to be, the search will be long and exhausting but that is okay because my plans for the next couple of years does not include a man. In fact, if there was a man, then my plans will have to change and most likely have to be less adventurous (depending on the guy). Either way, I have decided that from now on, any guy that I invest time in will just be someone to take up time temporarily and to satisfy instant gratification. My plans in my life and the goals I need to accomplish cannot be disrupted by a serious relationship. The person that I will end up with will just have to meet me in New Zealand when I move there post Peace Corps. I know what I want to do with my life and I know what I want to get out of it and I am tired of letting my "desperate romantic" trait that I've evolved into get in the way. Society is structured much more differently now and mating and raising offspring are not a priority for me. It is unfortunate that this desire to find a mate has evolved so strongly in our brains but just like every other evolutionary trait, we can evolve out of it and I will take the first step in that. I must seek what I want in life first. I want to (be):
1. independent
2. adventurous
3. conserve the environment
4. educate others
5. travel
6. cultured
7. intelligent
8. useful member of the society
9. happy
10. selfless

I am lucky enough that I was raised in a family that has provided me with all these different windows of opportunities and I will take advantage of it. I could not be more thankful for my parents. I finally realized that the only true love there is right now is the love between me and my parents. It is important that I don't let them down, and when you're Asian you're always raised to be perfect in every aspect of life so I must aim high.

Lost my Brain at Together As One

The first week of 2010 has been tough. We are still in the process of moving but have not been able to complete the process due to technical difficulties. This limbo between new place and old place has really got my emotions on edge. My sense of logic has completely gone out the window and I relapsed and went to see him. The strange familiarity gave me such an extreme amount of instant comfort, I became addicted. Packing up the last of the things at the apartment instantly brings me back to the beginning of our relationship, the fairytale relationship that I wanted for the rest of my life, the relationship that I tried so hard to keep but just did not work out. Going to see him was a huge mistake and made me lose sight as to why I left him. The recovery from New Years Eve is throwing me off and my sense of logic is practically nonexistent, I am counting for this hangover to be over soon so I can think with a clear head once again. I know for a fact that I don't want to be with him, he is not what I want, he cannot give me what I want, and that I despise him for the pain he put me through. Right now I am just looking for comfort in someone and that can be so dangerous. I just need to recover from new years and get my brain back into place, move, unpack, go back to Hong Kong, relax, come back and be refreshed and be ready to take life on once again.

I cannot believe myself

It's like I took 10 steps forward and then 9 steps back. This process getting more and more complicated. Being occupoed with school made me think much more clear headed than ever and now that school is over I am really starting to lose it, maybe it's just because of the moving that is getting to me, but either way my brain is trying to seek comfort and right now I'm looking at the wrong place for it. I miss having a better half.

*sigh*

I wish I could take you with me through my journey of life.

Ughhh

I can't figure out this blog layout stuff...computer challenged! In fact I am feeling challenged in almost everything else right now, I just want to get away...perhaps changing my plane ticket and leaving earlier may be a good idea.

This New Decade

There is so much in store in the next couple of years. This decade should be the most exciting and enjoyable since I finally have the world in my hands to decide for myself what I really want to do. There are so many options for me right now which is wonderful, but at the same time I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The exhaustion from school, the break up, work, and family has finally caught up to me. At first I thought that once school was over I would be much more relieved. I am a little relieved but that is being offset by other obstacles in life, so overall I am still frustrated. It is definitely time to pay a visit to the family and get away from everything and start thinking about what I want to do with my life. So far I think I have it figured out.

2010-Stay in CA and enjoy my friends, and volunteer/work at/for local conservation groups.
2011-Move back to HK for a year to learn more Chinese and apply for Peace Corps
2012-Begin Peace Corps
2014-Return from Peace Corps...Probably move to New Zealand and settle down

I think having the next 4 years somewhat planned out should be enough. I feel like all these events are all very very important and are things that I have been wanting to do for many years, what better time to do it now when I am single and out of school.

WTF, HTF

I can't imagine anyone finding my ex attractive in anyway shape or form, but apparently he can pull if off. I find it a bit humorous that this girl is so similar to me, but what I find the most hilarious is the fact that I am only attracted to guys that are completely opposite of him.

Yesterday was fun, finally someone took me to the aquarium, ate, and "ice" skated. These were things I have wanted to do for awhile but never actually did. He's smart, he's kind, he's successful, he cooks, he's independent, and he's cute...but still not exactly what I am looking for. How picky can you get?!?! I want to keep looking, but the search is so exhausting. I just don't want to make the mistake again of wasting time with someone that is not worth investing in. I am not going to try to change anyone so whoever this person is, if he is out there, I need to like him for exactly who he is...I don't want to "work on" them, I barely have enough time to work on myself. I think I like myself too much to settle for someone that is less than perfect in my mind, thus narrowing down my options to very very few people.